I dont understand~~~

after a long long while. ya... been busy with school work recently. hard to have time to blog it even it is something that bothers me alot. hai... now it is nearing my exam and kinda have more time to myself rather to the school or the hall.. so i can start blogging again. yup.

can see from my tone, my title and my words that i am not very in a great mood today. yup.
my grandma went to the hospital recently. initially she came to singapore. then she kept asking for food from us.. this and that. you knOw.. when old ppl start to behave abnormally, ppl will feel that it might be that she is leaving us soon~~ then she got kinda sick. couldnt eat. keep vomiting, then diahorrea...

then she went back to malaysia, stayed in my uncle's hse. she fell and went to the hospital. luckily she was fine.. nth much... not long after, she sick again. then went to hospital for a check and found out that there are 14 stones in her stomach. hence, she needed an operation. after the operation, she was very weak and all. then couldnt really walk. still cant really eat. problem still persist. she sounded very weak and start to talk quite abnormally. she dont really have much energy to talk too. that makes us more worried.

past few days, called back home and realise that doctor found something clogging her brain that caused her to not able to walk. she need some help to walk not like before anymore. it might be some blood clog due to the fall that she had, or might be some stuff in there. that we dont really kNow.

now she is back to yong peng. initially mum said nOt going back. but now~~ hai... they are gg back from friday evening till sunday morning. gosh!! had a tiff with my bf for saying that i am going back to msia on saturday. i went my way despite him being unhappy that i go oversea during exam period. now saying that i need to go on friday???? moreover when my mum said nOt going, i still msg him and told him that. hai...

sometimes i really dont understand him. why is he so strong on certain stuff yet so flexible on others. haiz.. i respect him therefore i told him in advance. but he in turn got angry with me and demanded for As for my result. doesnt mean if i stayed on for the weekend i will score an A isnt it? moreover, almost whole saturday is for tuition~~ including friday night too~~. sunday most likely meeting him. so? why is he so strong on it? i dont understand and couldnt understand....

happy birthday to me!!!!

yesh!! my bday just over... 21st bday!!! on the 1st of march~~

27th of feb i had a celebration, booked a chalet and invited my frenz over for a vegetarian bbq!!! i thought i had lots of friends, invited alot of people but in the end, only 20plus came i guess. some are busy, some having exams, some have lessons till late night, i can understand, but the rest? no news~~~ haiz.. dont talk about.

i went for a play that day, then all the stuff leave to darling to bring them over.... i felt bad as there're really lots of stuff, but he said he can make it, so he really made it. Though i got tick off for not bringing certain stuff that i can bring along for my play. sorry darling~~~

then, i made a BIG mistake too.. i forgot to tell the caterer that it's at the chalet and to send it to the chalet. In the end, when he was half way to my hse, darling called and he was quite pissed off. haiz... here it goes... sorry again~~(nothing much i can say)

i kinda spoilt my own mood for the celebration though as i should do all things properly when i kNow darling is kinda bad tempered person. but in the end, when we reached, he still able to simmer down and stay throughout the celebration happily.

here, i wanna thanks darren (pei's bf) for being there the earliest despite having FYP to do.. he helped alot! i really mean alot! and keep dar dar entertained at the bbq pit too~~ then jin came and help me around here and there too.. THANK U LAO GONG!!! kekee...

then people start to come group by group. hereby i like to thank all presence~~

thank u dennis, qiao ming and gentle giant(junhao) for coming!! was quite shock that u guys came ask i didnt expect that. thanks guys. i'm touched!!

thanks to youxiang who came when initially all he knOws is just dom and me. thanks for staying up throughout the night telling me so many things~ thanks brother!

thanks to michelle with such a lovely present!!! and make such a nice card!!! thanks to her for coming down after closing the shop. so sweet of u to come even though u have to come alone. THANKS SIS!!!

thanks to zi yang who came down specially just to pass me my present and went off. thanks alot!!! i love ur present!! thanks!!!

thanks to yong qiang, tianying and weichen, the only 3 jcrc that made it down for my celebration. Thanks to yu xin who actually called to apologise when he cant make it. was quite touched by that. thanks to shun yuan who actually almost made it to come. though in the end he couldnt make it, i appreciate alot for the wishes and the invitation to K box!! keke.. thanks to joan who told me beforehand that she couldnt make it as she was sick, take care girl. as for the rest of the jcrc members, i was quite disappointed. in fact, very. i thought jcrc had bond us quite close together, but i guess not... too bad...

thanks to jia hong and tang ning from production that made it down to the celebration too!!! all the way from hall to pasir ris~~ cool~~ thanks for the present too~~ swannie, thanks for the wishes, how i wish u can be there too.. kekee...

thanks to shi fu!!! who came down despite his wife can give birth anytime man!!! oh cool!!! thanks shi fu!!! thanks wei ren and bernard for the gift too~~~

Lastly, a big big thank you to my ai ren, wan ping, who end quiz at 9pm, come all the way from nus to the chalet, being so so tired, giving me the wishes and showing the true friendship that really touched my heart. thanks ping~~ thank u!

OH!!! must thank my dear pei pei too~~ for being there when i got scolded till everyone left being there helping me entertaining my guest and celebrating with me!!! thanks man!!!

NOW, i want to thank darling for waking up early in the morning 6am to buy the ingredient for me, buy me nice breakfast, then went over to office, do his stuff, rush over to meet yx to register for his uni, then rush to florist to get me the 99 roses (so so sweet!! all hand pick by him personally!!!), get me such a wonderful heart shape cake~, brought all the stuff alone to the chalet (like an idiot that's what he said), setting up all the stuff, be my bbq man, clearing all the stuff for me, help me bring the stuff back home, giving me a wonderful bday celebration!!! thanks darling~~ without u i wouldnt be able to make this celebration come true~~ thanks darling!!!!

LOVE U ALOT!!!! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING U HAVE DONE FOR ME!!!

有了他,天天都是情人节

特别吧? 这次的布络革(BLOG)是以华语来写的。没为什么，就想用华语。

情人节 （2/14）
这对我来说是第二次有情人的情人节，很开心但也苦脑，他什么都有，害我不知买什么才好。最后决定做个起士蛋糕给他。是蓝梅口味的。而当天我们便来个DOUBLE DATE。 哈哈！！他的好朋友夫妻便同我们一起庆祝这节日。

到了他朋友的店时，他便很温柔的亲了我的脸将礼物交给我。好甜哦！！！！ 真是甜到心里了！！！ 虽然不像别人一样有花，但我也满足了！！ 他送我一只 STITCH，睡眼惺忪的，好像他！！ 哈哈！！ 真可爱！！

后来，我们一同吃晚饭，然后一起去唱歌！！

好开心！有了他,天天都是情人节！！！！

Miss-Matched <<錯 合>>

Our Production "Miss-Matched" <<錯 合>> had ended yesterday night at jubilee hall. It was wonderful experience that i ever had and i really love it!!! Great experience and is really different.

I used to be in the band, i thought the feeling will be the same after the performance. The achievement and happiness we get when we know we played it well and in harmony. However, it is so so different. When we were rehearsing in jubilee hall, it was so COOL! we were actually on the stage!! the feeling was great! fantastico!! hahaa...

I was acting a shy shy role where she only dare to admire someone secretly but never in action. Hence, till 25 still single. The greatest challenge for me in acting this is that I AM NOT HER!!! It is just the exact opposite. Everyone also scare that i couldnt make it. Even my director wrote in the letter after the whole performance pointing out that i was one of their worries. hahaha... I do have the same mentallity as the role, just i will react in a differet way.

On 9th feb 2007, 7.40pm, the show started. I was trembling feeling so so nervous. Still we have to act normal as if nothing is happening. The light was strong enough that we cant really see the audience. That was great help. So i thought, audience might be the reason for being scared. Then, while acting, they started laughing at the funny scenes we had. OH MY GOD!!! I felt so so GOOD!!! It was like, an amazing feeling that i never had. Felt so.... so... haiz... limited vocab dont know how to describe.

Then, all the trembing feeling started to fade off and excitement came. Felt so good and wanted to act to the best i can. After 4 months of training, i want to put up the best. I want to be into the role, i dont want to regret my life. Fire burning in me! haha... Half time came and the directors all came in and congrats us for being good in the first half. There were lots of unexpected laughters from the audience. Our scene alot of people thought that it is boring however, there were people laughing!!!!! oh my!!! so so so happy!!!

10th feb 2007, 10pm. Our final show ended!!! Kinda sad, kinda miss everything. Things seems to be going so so so fast! I couldnt even believe myself that i've already acted for 2 days! My friends told me i just dont look and feel like who i m on stage. I WAS JUST DAMN HAPPY LA! hahaa... because i succeeded!!! He even commented that it is too short a play!! means? HE ENJOYED IT! hahahaa.... COOL!

I really miss all the people that made this play a success! Thanks to all!!! too many to name. But ALL!!

hmm... is this healthy or not?

In one of my previous entry, i talked about my relationship problem. Yesterday, darling told me he called his girl friends and told them that it's the end of their friendship. hmm... i really wondering is that healthy or not?

i never expected him to do that. all i thought of was just to get to know about those girls more. At least, to know their name (which till now i still dont know). But, it turn out that they just will not exist anymore. i really appreciate him for doing that, but i felt kinda weird. Is it really that friendship with opposite gender and relationship cannot co-exist at the same time?

i know saying all this is kinda bad~~ in a way, i should thank him for what he had done. Just that i find it a little extreme and i dont know what to do. Pondering.....

No matter what, i thank you for what u have done for me~ i appreciate everything you had done. Let's be more transparent with each other in the future k? Love u!

JIN's Bday!!!

27th of Jan, the day where jin was born in 1986. BOOM!!! In 2007, SHE IS NOW 21!!! wow!!!

she had a bbq at east coast and we went! kekee... though that day was drizzling since morning and all, it was kinda lucky as her bbq was able to start and end without us getting in the rain!!! GOD BLESS!! we had great fun!!! ZX was going around showing poka card magic tricks. kinda cool!!! yet, i keep catching his loop holes.... woops.. kekee... fun la!!! but couldnt deny that he is really quite good!

When ping reached, we asked jin to take our present and open. We bought a cute cute bubble dress for her, white base with small black poka dots... so kawaii!!! then she went to put on and gave her the nice nice necklace ping bought!! so nice!! really cool la! she so so pretty!! then she wore that to cut cake!!!

then we had a very professional photographer, HS!! wow.. he was cool! he brought a thousand over dollar olympus camera!!! oh my!! that was like so COOL!!! then he took lots of pics for us. walking around taking artistic photos too!! kekee...

after which when jin is free from her phototaking session with all present, we aske HS to help the 3 of us take photos!! with his cool camera, we took lots of funny photos like those ghostly ones, funny ones, formal ones, artistic ones... COOL!! so fun too!!

then the sky looks quite threatening and hence we decided to pack up. we then go to sm's hse and chill out!!! bought supper and ate. yeah! talk, watch video, slack around and slp! kekee... cool place to slp in, even the sofa is better than my bed ar! hahahaa....

after we woke up we eat we talk we eat again then we talk again. hahaa... then i got to go back school for rehearsal already!

the rehearsal turn out to be good! they complemented on my acting that day! cool!! first time ever!! hahaahahaa... feeling so so good! yeah!!! great weekend!

PRESENTATION DAY!!!

today had a presentation, is for my chinese classical fiction module. we are suppose to read, understand and tell the class a story <<李娃传>>.

during our preparation and all, everything was fine, quite good and we are happy doing it too. Fast and good! then sent over to let the teacher vet, she said was well done. then today, is the actual day. kinda nervous but alright, as it is just a small class. talk and talk and talk none stop. we took up almost whole tutorial which is an hour to present our stuff. COOL huh? First ever longest presentation i've ever done!! kekee...

after that was quite tired. survive through the next lecture with a good funny teacher. was so tired.

this two days having some stomach problem. keep feeling unwell at the stomach area. Like i have lots of gastric juice inside. dOnt kNow why like that. kinda donT like the feeling buT dont kNow what to do. so be it.

yesterday dar cooked spaghetti for me!!! SO NICE!!!!!!!!! and he got a dish, "口在心里", he put the nuts that my mum cooked into those small beancurd stuff, dou po, then fried it. SO SO NICE!!!!!!! love it. great dinner!!! thanks thanks!!! and he say he called that dish that is he feel that sometime he just dont knOw how to express himself, donT kNow what to say. ya lor..

thanks thanks!!!!

school reopen again!!!!

yeah! new sem started. everything goes back again~ study and study again!! lucky i dont have to take any unfamiliar sub this sem. mostly chinese with one Craft of Writing. It is exempted for exam. so hahahhahahahaaha... one less exam!!!

since school starts, dar and i arent as sticky anymore. got school stuff to do, he also preparing to start school soon. however, i dont know why, dont understand why, since school starts, we have been quarrelling quite often. Almost everytime when we meet we quarrel. I DONT LIKE IT!!! IN FACT I HATE IT!!! but to him, it is normal in a relationship. tiny tiny things we got to quarrel. He'll just get angry over little little stuff that i really dOnt knOw how not to make him angry. I really wonder is it my fault or his. At times, he admit that it is his fault, yet, he still seems the same. At times, he just say, that is him. when he says that, i got nth much to say. Because i dOnt want to change who he is yet i dont feel that it is right. hai....

Relationship really takes alot to maintain. ALOT. It is really not something that kids can play around with if u are really putting in ur heart and soul. Having a good family is what i dream for. Having a loving husband is what i hope for. I'm not saying he is not, but sometimes, things i thought normal bf will do he dont. But at times, he does things that other guys wont too!

Guys and gers really think very differently.

1)When he tells me he is going out alone, i will want to go out with him too, thinking that how nice it will be if i am free and able to follow him. Yet he dont feel that way, he say is just because he wanna let me know where he is not want me down. As for me? if i tell him i am alone, i am expecting him to accompany me. To me bf must be there whenever u are lonely unless he is really being tied down with work.

2)He needs time for himself, i only hope i can spend all my time with him.

3)He sees crying as being weak, i see crying as a way for me to let out my emotions.

4)I hope for his surprises in hall, he need to know when i am going over to plan his time.

many many more.....

It is just me being too sensitive, and him being noT sensitive enough. Sometimes, i actually feel that he care for himself more than me. In the past, he claimed that i nOt spending enough time with him. Then i sacrifices all my time with my friend to be with him. Now, he claims that he need some time for his friends, i've just got to try to change myself to not expect to see him that much anymore. I understand his point that i see my friend everyday yet he dont. But, why initially he makes me so used to his presence?

Alot of time, he told me that i have my strength, i'm great inside out. He tries all ways to boost my self esteem. But little does he kNow, when we quarrel over gers stuff, "i'm not a guy who is lack of women" will just throw me back down to a no self esteem me.

I love him, for no reason, with no regrets. But if i am push to a limit, i dont guarentee that i wont leave. I hate to say this, but is really a fact. I'll try my best to maintain this relationship well, and please work with me too. Doing it alone is really tiring, very tiring.... LOVE YOU WITH ALL I HAVE, LOVE YOU TILL I DIE.

new year eve

new year eve was quite a normal one. coz gj went msia, so couldnt have a proper gathering. in the end we decided to spend it ourselves. in the end, turn out to be quite boring. just had home cooked food, quite sumptous one, cooked by darling. then watch dvd and nth much.

i was a little sick too.. so dont really do much those 2 days. ya.

end~

Great X'mas 2006

yeah!!!! had a great xmas 2006!!! darling plan half the stuff and we went out with gj, sm, wp and wa. yeah!!!

it's been long since i've blogged le. missed me? wahhahaa..

that day was drizzling, i wore my best outfit, put a little make up and head down to orchard to meet them as we plan to had some ice cream little gift exchanging thing. the HUMAN JAM was bad!!! really just couldnt move, i swear i'll not go orchard during festive seasons again!! terrible!!

then finally met them. so cool!! it's been long since we all gather again. and a new member too!!! anyway, swensens was too packed. we decided to go starbucks instead. Darling was great at breaking ice. though wa was new, we able to joke and laugh at ease leading by darling!!! After which we went for movie!!! HUANG JIN JIA BY JAY CHOU!!! was kinda... bad show as the only good things about the show is the effects, the story was kinda boring. After which we went flare, saw his friend that he said abt. he said i was very presentable in front of his frenz. kekee... happy. Oh, met with yx too~~ sit down chill, count down together. around 2 plus we went sm's hse, had supper, relax a while then went back home. sm drove us home! GREAT! hehe... thanks alot man! then gj last min then realise the next day she got to work when it's already like 4 or 5 am in the morning! oh my!!!

had a great day. a different xmas. love it! thanks to all presence and thank u darling.

OH!! he gave me 2 calendar!! he made himself with his baby pic, our rabbits' pic and our artistic pic. hahaa... so nice!!! thanks thanks!!!

sunshine after the rain~~~

yes!! it's another sunshine after the rain.. even though everytime we quarrel i will be preparing myself for the worst. I'll keep thinking how will i react if we really break or wat so ever. But, Luckily he never ever let all those thoughts become reality. YES!!! He loves me!!

today we went for the Qian Hu fish Exhibition!! COOOOL!! but quite disappointed in a way as i dont see much breed mainly red aro and cross back. Dont really have much different colours that dar showed me like those electric blue etc. Ya. But, did see really nice ones. The colours are so obvious and distinct. WOW.

then we walk about and saw a very funny looking fish!!!! It has got 3 strips at each side of the body red blue red. The CUTEST thing is that it has LIPSTICK on the LIPS!!! hahaa.. looks so fake but is real!!wow~~~ after which we went to lot 1 to shop!!!

went to fond!! the shop i love alot coz of the unique clothing they have!! AND darling bought one top for me!!! nice nice!! i love it!!! got to be my xmas top!! must fast fast slim down get the bottom den PERFECT! kekee...

ai ni yi wan nian!!!!!

=|| tRuSt ||=

It is important to have trust in a relationship. Yet, it is difficult for one, especially the female, to trust the other party fully. The more you love the person, the more you wouldnt want to find out that they person betray your trust. Even if the person is with you 24/7. Being a selfish me, I would want him to be both mentally and physically mine! I wonder if that is too much, but I just couldnt get myself to not want that. He is a very fun loving person. He has his past. We both grow up in a very different environment.

He used to smoke, club alot, pubbing, etc. He enjoy his life with no restriction being very open minded and make friends from all walks of life. He is living in the Fun side of life. For me? I'm brought up in a conservative family where very concern about moral values. I've curfew as early as 7pm. No clubbing, pubbing, drinking, and dont even talk abt smoking. Hence, we have a very big hurdle to get over in our relationship that is our mentallity differences.

Firstly, he used to go clubbing and pubbing alot. Have lots of friends there. A place where i know nuts about. After i'm with him, i keep asking him to bring me to club one day. I want to see and want to know his way of living. He keep refusing saying that it is not the kind of place for me. Telling me i wont like it. I know only by that then i might be able to know more of his friends and get into his life. But i was being rejected. I didnt tell him my real reason for wanting to go. Just say I just want to go and have fun, to see what's in there that attracted so many people. Then we finally went, but just with my friends. Only one is his. When he talk to his friends, went smoking outside, he didnt bring me along. I can understand as it is a GUY thing. So i just sit there and be a crazy self playing around with my friends. To my surprise, i didnt hate the place as much as i thought i will. In fact, i find that it is a good place to let out all unhappiness in me. WHY? The music is loud enough that i can shout all i want and no one will bother.

Though, he had brought me to club, to pub, Yet i still dont seems to know the real him. Maybe i think too much. Yet, to him, i am transparent, my emotion is always on my face, my friends, everything of me he will know. However, to me, he is still a mystery that i've yet to solve it. Indeed, i know his temper, his preference, his family and some of his friends. Yet, I still feels that I have him in my world, I know only the him in my world. I dont know the him in his world.

At times, i really have the thought that one day, i'll go to club and pubs alone. Befriend with those type that will visit the place often and understand their life. Knowing: "Why flirting is a norm to them?", "Why having a gf is not enough to make them happy that they still would like to play around with other girls even though it is not serious affair.", "Why to them certain words like "darling", "dear", are just so insignificant that they can call any Tom Dick and Harry that.".

I am not saying that having a friend of different gender is a NO nO. Just that, I want to see a clear line drawn. Am I being too demanding? Sometimes i really hope that i am not that soft hearted. I just want to know if really i quarrel with him regarding those problems and i suggested a break up, will he just leave my world because he feels that he cant fit in, or will he want me back. Sometimes, I really dont feel that he needs me. Maybe i just want too much. Maybe i am not giving him enough space to breath.

I always know that privacy is needed even in a relationship. Yet, i just feel that since i can be so transparent to you about every thing in my life everything that happens to me. Being so open that you can take my phone browse through all my msg and i wont say a thing. You can even call anyone in it. Yet, you are just so afraid. Why i dont trust you? Because of all this actions that you showing. All this gives me a very unsafe feeling. You said it is your privacy. But i just cant help it and let my imagination run wild thinking of all the why why and more whys.

HOW?? I dont know... I dont know........ All i can is try to use the love i have for you to keep telling myself our difference and accept you rules, your way of living. I will try, but i really cant promise that things like that day wont happen again. Though i still dont see a reason why it is my fault totally, Why you dont protect me and confront her when she said stuff otherwise? why all faults lies in me, I'll still try to figure it out and try to control myself and make sure such things wont ever happened again.

PS: Darling, actually i suppose to leave you this time round. Because i promised that if this thing happens again, i'll leave without asking for mercy. If you wan that, let me know. I'll do as promised.

16th month Anniversary

yes! today is the 16th month anniversary. and here i am doing my assignments my presentation. yesterday went over to ai ai house. thinking that we can maybe have a good time together then till 12am i can pass him the stars that i've made for him using straws. Yet before the clock strike 12, he was so tired and once he got onto the bed he just slept. haiz...

then, i tot i can just put the bottle in his room leaving a note there wishing him happy 16th month. yet i forgot in the end. then i gave it to him. He didnt ask why i give, didnt say much. just a thank u and kept in his bag. Haiz...

kinda feel like a fool trying to spend some time together with him on this special day yet nothing seems to be working out. maybe i m just asking for too much stuff. maybe i m just too sensitive. maybe i am just too vex due to all my assignments and the oncoming exAM. I am just so so unhappy. I thought he might come and maybe accompany me a while. Maybe just an hour having dinner together. Maybe just sitting down beside me talk to me a while give me a goodbye kiss then off he go. I'll also be very satisfied. Maybe i just initiate too many times telling him to meet when i feel like it or when it's a special day that he dont see the need of suggesting anything. Or maybe 16 months has passed and he dont see the need of taking this day as a very special day already. haix... mood swing? pms? i dont know.

maybe he is just too sick to think of all this. he hasnt been well for the past few days. fever, cold, cough. haix.. shouldnt be expecting much from him. He has been real nice to me already. Complementing on my hair, come to wait for me at the coffee shop and intend to have dinner together there ytd night.

i must learn to be contented with what i have.

sTreSS is IN the Air

Yes!! As stated in the title. I M STRESS!!!! I'm currently having 3 assignments and 1 presentation in hand. That's the bad part about studying a arts course. Though we dont have quizzes but we have ASSIGNMENTS!!! Which is so so so difficult! Oh my GOD!!! Moreover, my elective is econs, which means I am having a quiz next week!! GOD BLESS ME!!!

Had a great day yesterday. Firstly, darling came NIE for 3 days course. Met him for lunch. After which I went for tuition with my student, teach her all I can and darling pon lesson for me!! TOUCHED!!! We then go shaw tower and ate pasta!!! So Happy!! Then went to this Hong Kong style eating place and ate mango ice!! NICE! Though not really what I expected but not that bad. Then we chit chat this and that. Had a great night.

Today meet him for lunch in NIE again. Sad to say it ended up with a quarrel. He said I raised my voice and told me that either I talk nicely or just walk off. I chose to walk off. I was very upset. We quarrel JUST because he felt that I had not been following the work out schedule. Then, commented that I actually have time for JCRC matter and all but work out. I am quite piss by the fact that he keep bring JCRC into picture. I like to work with the people in JCRC and I have fun working. YET! He keep commenting on it. Moreover, it is the only way i can assure myself in getting a room next year. If I dont do anything even if i am in JCRC, NO POINT!! I will be marked down!

Haiz.... I am stress!! ultimate stress!! I can control myself! I MUST control myself!!

feeling so xin fu~~

feel so good now having darling being understanding, able to do my own stuff most importantly I FINISH N HAND IN MY ASSIGNMENT LE!! wah~~ now i know how gd it feels to finish an assignment man~~ really fei bi mo neng xing rong.

yesterday had my audition for production. FUN SIA!!! kekee... just play around with swan they all.. keke.. so cute la they. FUN ppl to work with. n most importantly is in CHINESE!! my strongest subject that i can most express myself with. hopefully if i m in the production dar dar will come n watch me on stage supporting me~~~ i'll be VERY happy if i see him in the audience sit lor.. *hint* kekee... but that's all if i m chosen. keke... another assignment coming up soon~~but that'll be handing in in october another in nov den exam den HOLIDAY!!! HURRAY!!! wahahaa... cant wait. den will be darling, home, work, and maybe a bit of school coz i think still got one more assignment after exam from translation. ya lor~~

next wk holiday. but still working wk for me~ coz christine giving birth got to help out more in pet shop. got to come back school for make up lesson too~~ ya lor~~ boring~~ but no choice~~

sunshine after the rain

it's a sunshine after the rain. darling promise me that he will change for the better for my sake. i take his promise n will stand by him as far as he is willing to go~~ thanks darling.

dar~ the upcoming year i will be busy. i will spend as much time as i have with u. pls do support me for all i do. no need u to take all stuff happily but at least respect what i m doing and be there for me whenever i need. i m very clear abt what i m doin and what i will be going thru. might be a tough year but i know it will be a fruitful one.

i couldnt get into xing n strum. kinda sad. but there is a production for our hall too. very excited abt it and hopefully i can be able to perform for it. as it is in chinese, i'm very confident in my chi too~~ hope i can be gd man. hahaha... and hopefully dar can support me!!! ur support wins the rest~ yeah!

had i hurt him?

i dont know what to do now. his temper is getting kinda out of control. i dont know. i really love him. but what can i do? i dont want him to keep feeling unhappy or upset yet i dont know what to do. ever since i joined jcrc, everything goes down hill for the both of us. does that mean i wont have a valentine next year? i dont know.

i know i shouldnt doubt his love for me.. but i just wonder why guys n gers are so different. girls can do anything n sacrifice anything in a relationship but why cant the guys do the same too? does it mean they love their partner less n love themself more? i dont know....

as bad as his condition is now. i m also lost and dont know what to do. on one side i really dont want to leave him. on the other side i hope i can take up my responsibility and work to the fullest in jcrc. either i let go or him or just screwed up my jcrc work. i dont know. haiz~~

lost in the wonder land. no more tears, no more mood, in order not to let ppl worry for me, i have to cheer up. life~~ this is life~~ experience that no one else will be able to know the exact dilema that i m gg thru, due to different character n priority in life.

confuse

this saturday is dnd.. kinda excited yet kinda down.

excited becuase this is my very first time to dnd. ppl all will be glam n nice. hopefully i wont be the only underdress one. kinda scare to go as i kinda no figure. haha.. thought the expenses are kinda ex. but i m on budget route. hence, all in all i havent hit 100bucks! hahaa... got a nice dress online. yeah. just nice fitting. lucky.

haix.. den down because my dar is kinda down for me gg for dnd instead of go petshop with him. true that i agreed to help out in pet shop n in the end i go dnd. kinda bad. but i've got no choice as i'm in JCRC.

actually kinda down lately. since i'm in uni, dar dar seems to have kinda bad mood swing. can be happy at a point when i'm with him yet kinda down n moody when i'm not or when he knows that i cant be with him. hai... i also dont know how to make him happy all the time. only hope that he can understand my situation more. so so scare that we might because of my pack schedule now n break.

today i'm so so happy. so happy!! because dar kissed me at the forehead when he left. so sweet n so nice~~ really love it. today is our 1 yr 2months. yeah!! so so happy!!! we've come so far. hopefully can go further n forever. dar... really hope that u can understand me n trust me till the end. though i'm busy u are still in my heart. u are nv a substitute in my life. so dont say "go busy with ur stuff. when u are free then come n look for me." sound so much like like u feel that u are a substitute. u arent!! u are the first!

busy~~

yes... my school started till now is about 3 wks. kinda getting busier. got lots of things i wanna do yet cant and lots of ppl i wanna meet yet cant. Hereby i wanna say i'm sorry to lots of ppl. Firstly, sorry ning that i really yet to find a gd time to meet up with u n have a great catch up with things that u've missed n i've miss. Sorry to tian ying (srjc) whom i've yet to celebrate ur bday with. Sorry to daddy mummy that i actually dont have much time for u guys except for weekends. Sorry to darling as our meeting time really change alot since last time.

Worse thing now is.. i think i'm gonna be more busy with the next up commitment in hall, 13th JCRC main com. Yes, i'm running JCRC soon. hopefully can be a smooth one. though a bit hiccups here n there, but hopefully there isnt anyone bearing any grudges against anyone. everything is a new experience for me. though i use to be the assistant band major, yet i havent really run or work in a com with no assistance from higher authority. yes. so is very new, very fresh n i believe i will learn alot from it.

darling came to ntu on monday and really surprise me! that was a pleasant surprise. However, it didnt end with a high note. this is becoz he felt kinda inferior. i can understand how he feel as he knows no one here. not a single person. other den my roomie of course. so.. kinda.. i felt bad pulling him along to the IBG too.. coz.. i wasnt able to accompany him. he was sitting there all alone. can see the change in him slowly. i know he is unhappy, or feeling lousy, but i dont know what to do to cheer him up. really dont know. everytime i'll feel very lost when it comes to cheering him up.

even today when i meet up with him. we talked normally, walk around den he sent me back to hall. everything seems normal but i can feel something different, very slight different. he seems not so happy yet he dont want to make me worry or to dampen my mood so he was trying hard to stay happy. thanks darling for trying so hard. it's hard on u.

actually, i do feel a little unhappy abt he feeling inferior. coz to me, studying in Uni is not everything. even if i was motivated to move on to uni is just becoz that i want to prove to ppl that i can make it to uni. i can live without a uni cert. if not becoz he keep pushing me n motivating me.. i might have have a sit in NTU today. yet, now he is feeling inferior. kinda unfair to me as it is his wish to see me in uni, yet he feel inferior of me being a undergrad now. kinda confuse of what he actually want from me.

BUT, come to think of it.. not his fault either, is the society, the world. the recognition given to the A4 size paper is so high that everyone thinks highly of it and judge ppl with that. it is a STUPID way of judging ppl as studying is not everything in life. MOST knowledge is acquired in other forms not from just schools. we learnt most at work, how to deal with ppl, how to deal with politics, how to work with the max efficiency, how to let ppl understand whatever u are trying to propose, all this hands on stuff is nth u can learn from school. maybe can learn them when u are running com for a project, however, not all have the chance for all that. Hence, in order to perform best at work, cert is not the Major thing to look at but experience, the wit of the employee, the capability. though certain job need certain knowledge from text books, but most of the things u cannot purely just stick to the text book.

So, what's the big deal of being a undergrad, it's just another learning process.

darling, soon u will be moving into a uni, studying ur degree, studying ur honest, so i dont see why must u feel inferior. true, i will nv get the exact feeling u have, but like u say, no matter where u were from, as long as u are gd there isnt a need to be afraid that u will not be recognise one day. i'm really afraid that the inferior feeling in u will cause a gap in our relationship, if really that i'll lose u becoz i'm in ntu now... (though i know is kinda silly to say the following but i really feel that way.) no point for me getting into the uni. i'm here for our future. (of course to make my parents proud of me too!)

msn ***

msn giving me problem man!! cant sign in den re d/l the thing de cannot den change den d/l the older version den can. sian man....

yeah.. miss him.. alot.. haix.. but he doin assignment period.. mood swing.. easily get angry.. so scare.. scare next time marry le.. will he give me black face everyday if he got problem at work.. yet.. i'm thinking hard on how to make him happier whenever he is stress.. trying all means n ways. sometime tot maybe as long as i dont disturb him he will be happy. maybe dont meet him let him be alone. but i cant do it.. i need to see him.. n he also want to meet me..

sometimes i really dont understand. he says he miss me. den when meet, when he moody, he also dont talk much... i hug him... he also dont react... also dont know what he want.. dont wanna meet him thought might be becoz of me den he mood worsen, den he'll get more angry as i nv meet him... haix.. sometimes kinda dont know what he want. do i really understand him alot... i dont know.. all i want is stay by his side.. i want to see him happy, i want to see his smile, i can give up almost everything even if i have to give up him... as long as he is happy i'm happy. becoz i know at this point of my life at least i have one person who ever love me alot, who ever dote me alot, who ever think of me everyday, who use to be just mine, at least someone who let me know i m actually not that bad as there are someone actually go after me before!! hahaa.. yeah..

darling this is to u:
maybe i've said this many many times to u, yet i still want u to know, I LOVE U.