Thursday, March 10, 2005
My compo
here i wrote sth in chinese. a compo la.. my feeling too.. ya... hope can share with u bloggy...
<< 我的未来在哪? >>
“嘀嘀答答…” 雨点一滴一滴地落下。早上那晴朗的天空已不知何去何从。 秒针嘀答嘀答的走着，我早上那仅有的笑容也随着那声响，一点一滴的消失。心越沉越低，似乎已落入千谷深渊中了。再过半个小时，我便会来到我人生的另一个十字路口。这是一个不完全能由自己选择去路的十字路口。心中的一切彷徨与无助是谁也无法给予任何帮助的。
此时此刻的我正朝着学院的方向走去。坐在那巴士上，望着窗外的街道，不知何故都好象被蒙上一层暗淡的色彩。虽然我非常清楚我正朝着学院方向走去，但对自己未来的道路，却像只迷途羔羊般迷糊。在那朦胧细雨中，我似乎看见了自己的未来，看见不久后将发生的事。。。
慢慢地，我拖着那沉重的脚步，一步一步，有点失去平衡般的踏入了校门口。应该是因为天气的缘故吧，整个世界变得昏昏暗暗的。荫风阵阵吹过。那寒风吹进了我心头里去了。我打了个寒颤。我停下了脚步，总觉得有种不祥的预感。是我多心了吗？
来到了礼堂，大家都聚集在那兒，气氛是十分的紧张。校长滔滔不绝地说了很多。她在台上分析了很多对我们来说都已毫无意义的一堆资料。校长说了很久。看着她那一张一合的嘴，却听不到任何的声音。是我聋了吗？我似乎已开始封闭自己，将自己锁在只有自己的世界里。对于这次的考试，我是一点信心也没有。 我不期望自己能考得多好，但至少也该及格吧。站在最后的我，一直装着看得很开的样子，与大家说说笑笑的。
终于轮到我了。上前拿了一堆没用的书刊，纸张。老师分完后，又拖拖拉拉的交代这儿，交代那儿，才将成绩单递给我。我不敢看，没勇气去看。拿了便放进书包里，离开了礼堂。走到全校人烟最稀少的地方。我慢动作的掀开了成绩单。天啊！我。。。我居然只有一科是及格的，而且也只是刚刚及格罢了。我一生学习的生涯中，从未失败过。这是地一次。我看傻了，只能呆呆的望着那张如同废纸般的文凭。这时的我，脑袋一片空白。我真的不知该如何是好。我的未来要如何走下去？我现在因该想些什么？该做何打算？该如何面对父母对我的期盼？ 该如以失败者的身份去面对着世界？不知道，真的什么都不知道。
此时眼前一片朦胧。泪水不断涌出，像瀑布般的怎么也控制不了的。我现在只想静静地从这世上消失。只要离开这里，所有的‘不知道’，所有的‘怎么办’，也都会随着消失。从此再也没有所谓的不安，没有社会所带来的压力，没有人们所给予的眼光。哈！那是多么棒的事啊！
不知何时，也不知怎么的，我来到一座组屋的顶楼。看着无边无际的天空，多美好啊！顿时感到一种前所未有的平静，似乎来到天堂似的，好舒服，好舒服。这正是我想要的感觉，想要的世界。我来了！
“紫婷！下车了！还发什么呆啊？”
星心
<< 我的未来在哪? >>
“嘀嘀答答…” 雨点一滴一滴地落下。早上那晴朗的天空已不知何去何从。 秒针嘀答嘀答的走着，我早上那仅有的笑容也随着那声响，一点一滴的消失。心越沉越低，似乎已落入千谷深渊中了。再过半个小时，我便会来到我人生的另一个十字路口。这是一个不完全能由自己选择去路的十字路口。心中的一切彷徨与无助是谁也无法给予任何帮助的。
此时此刻的我正朝着学院的方向走去。坐在那巴士上，望着窗外的街道，不知何故都好象被蒙上一层暗淡的色彩。虽然我非常清楚我正朝着学院方向走去，但对自己未来的道路，却像只迷途羔羊般迷糊。在那朦胧细雨中，我似乎看见了自己的未来，看见不久后将发生的事。。。
慢慢地，我拖着那沉重的脚步，一步一步，有点失去平衡般的踏入了校门口。应该是因为天气的缘故吧，整个世界变得昏昏暗暗的。荫风阵阵吹过。那寒风吹进了我心头里去了。我打了个寒颤。我停下了脚步，总觉得有种不祥的预感。是我多心了吗？
来到了礼堂，大家都聚集在那兒，气氛是十分的紧张。校长滔滔不绝地说了很多。她在台上分析了很多对我们来说都已毫无意义的一堆资料。校长说了很久。看着她那一张一合的嘴，却听不到任何的声音。是我聋了吗？我似乎已开始封闭自己，将自己锁在只有自己的世界里。对于这次的考试，我是一点信心也没有。 我不期望自己能考得多好，但至少也该及格吧。站在最后的我，一直装着看得很开的样子，与大家说说笑笑的。
终于轮到我了。上前拿了一堆没用的书刊，纸张。老师分完后，又拖拖拉拉的交代这儿，交代那儿，才将成绩单递给我。我不敢看，没勇气去看。拿了便放进书包里，离开了礼堂。走到全校人烟最稀少的地方。我慢动作的掀开了成绩单。天啊！我。。。我居然只有一科是及格的，而且也只是刚刚及格罢了。我一生学习的生涯中，从未失败过。这是地一次。我看傻了，只能呆呆的望着那张如同废纸般的文凭。这时的我，脑袋一片空白。我真的不知该如何是好。我的未来要如何走下去？我现在因该想些什么？该做何打算？该如何面对父母对我的期盼？ 该如以失败者的身份去面对着世界？不知道，真的什么都不知道。
此时眼前一片朦胧。泪水不断涌出，像瀑布般的怎么也控制不了的。我现在只想静静地从这世上消失。只要离开这里，所有的‘不知道’，所有的‘怎么办’，也都会随着消失。从此再也没有所谓的不安，没有社会所带来的压力，没有人们所给予的眼光。哈！那是多么棒的事啊！
不知何时，也不知怎么的，我来到一座组屋的顶楼。看着无边无际的天空，多美好啊！顿时感到一种前所未有的平静，似乎来到天堂似的，好舒服，好舒服。这正是我想要的感觉，想要的世界。我来了！
“紫婷！下车了！还发什么呆啊？”
星心
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
First Major Setback
Why do I only update my blog now? after 8 days since my birthday? Because I was in depression mood for qutie sometime after i took my result on 4th of march. I've always been a ger whereby i dun haf to study much... dun haf to be very hardworking n yet i can continue my study by luck or wat so ever. manage to get by all my examinations and reach till jc level. 4th of march mark a special day in my life. i got my a level result then.. as my my title goes... it was indeed my first major setbacks.
i always potray a strong front. cheerful, optimistic and every positive words u can find. but 4th march is the day when i m totally lost. lost in the world, lost in my world, lost in lalaa land. i've got to see my result. yes! i failed! i've got O O E and a C6 for my result. E is my grade for my CLA. that was really a shock! i actually tot i might get a C or even a B. but yet.. an E was shown. the other 2 was more or less expected as i really din put in much effort then.. played too much, too much involvement in any other activities other than studies. till around august or so.. i was lost. totally lost in the world of book, in the world of study. i din noe wat to do then, din haf enuff courage to face the fact that i m really laggin way behind others. having too much of self confidence thinking that i did it in the past, i will be able to do it again now! but i couldn't. JC life is very much different from secondary sch. it is only now then i realise JC students are a bunch of elites in singapore, all study very hard very well. it's very different from o level where the standards really varies alot!
with this setback, i think i do grow up a little. i got to know the importance of studying, i know the importance of every single things that we haf to do in schools. i know how to prioritise my time. i got to know the feeling of FAILURE. if not because of this setback, i will nv wake up, nv will i able to noe that there is indeed a limit to my cleverness. i was actually juz over confident of myself.
O O E C6 is really not a cert that i will want to see. here is my aim, my target!
mid yr : D D D C6
prelim: C C B C5
A level: B A B B4
(first column in chem, second is maths C , third ClA and lastly is Gp.)
i will further update my results n see if i meet all my target. i want to excel! i want to get at least an A for my A level. Hope that this will be a realistic goal for my studies now on. All the best!
i always potray a strong front. cheerful, optimistic and every positive words u can find. but 4th march is the day when i m totally lost. lost in the world, lost in my world, lost in lalaa land. i've got to see my result. yes! i failed! i've got O O E and a C6 for my result. E is my grade for my CLA. that was really a shock! i actually tot i might get a C or even a B. but yet.. an E was shown. the other 2 was more or less expected as i really din put in much effort then.. played too much, too much involvement in any other activities other than studies. till around august or so.. i was lost. totally lost in the world of book, in the world of study. i din noe wat to do then, din haf enuff courage to face the fact that i m really laggin way behind others. having too much of self confidence thinking that i did it in the past, i will be able to do it again now! but i couldn't. JC life is very much different from secondary sch. it is only now then i realise JC students are a bunch of elites in singapore, all study very hard very well. it's very different from o level where the standards really varies alot!
with this setback, i think i do grow up a little. i got to know the importance of studying, i know the importance of every single things that we haf to do in schools. i know how to prioritise my time. i got to know the feeling of FAILURE. if not because of this setback, i will nv wake up, nv will i able to noe that there is indeed a limit to my cleverness. i was actually juz over confident of myself.
O O E C6 is really not a cert that i will want to see. here is my aim, my target!
mid yr : D D D C6
prelim: C C B C5
A level: B A B B4
(first column in chem, second is maths C , third ClA and lastly is Gp.)
i will further update my results n see if i meet all my target. i want to excel! i want to get at least an A for my A level. Hope that this will be a realistic goal for my studies now on. All the best!
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