why m i like that?

sometimes i really wonder~~ why m i like that~~ i used to be so so contented with my life~~ so happy with everything ard me when i was a kid~~ when i start growing up~~ things changes.. i have my own views i have my own friends i have my own things to do~~ yet i dont have my own freedom, own choice, own world. i always admire ppl with firm character~~ do what they want~~ what they feel is right, defiant to parents at times to get their way thru. yet i can't. i really can't. i'm born in a way that as long as all are happy, i m happy~~

life shld be simple n happy~~ juz come to a conclusion that all are happy with.. will be gd le~~ BUT the complication comes when it is always not the case as all ppl have different views on different aspect. Y?? cause they live in a different environment, met with different ppl, different encounter, learn different things, see the world n life differently. thru experience, they have their own believe, perspective, mindset. u cant possibly have all to live life the same way. hence, all grow to have different mentality~

the problem arise here~ one family has more den one person~~ everyone got their on thinking and problem will arise~~ so who wins in the end?? of course the ones with louder voice, strongest stand will win~~ but doesnt mean those who juz kept quiet will lose. juz that they dont wanna talk in anger~~ they prefer to talk things out after all has cal down~~ calming down is real hard~~ i always cant do it too~~ getting too emotional is bad too~~ how?

i also dont know how~~ cox i also cant control my emotions too.. at times i feel like juz vanish in thin air... so that all problems will be solved. as i dont have to face them. sometimes i feel like juz running away totally. from my restricted home n go~~ but i've got my responsibility as a child. sometimes i feel like running away from the relationship~~ but I LOVE HIM!! SO SO MUCH!!! that i DONT want to. sometimes i hope that i'll get knock down by a car~ so that both my parents n darling will know that both parties love n care for me alot~~ and they can work hand n hand to see me recovering~~ sometimes i juz hope i can marry off straight away, so that i can at least break free from one side of the story~~

i know running away isnt a gd way~~ i m still thinking of a solution~~ i m trying to~~ really hope both my dar dar n my parents and stay in peace n harmony~~ hope to see them being happily together~~ coz they are all the ppl i LOVE MOST in the whole wide world~~ can lose anyone~ but THEM!!