thursday

i guess should start with yesterday. dar got some problem at home.. den at night he called me.. we were talking.. den he talked abt himself as he was brought up in a violence family he might became one as well.. after we got married he might beat me up n abuse me too.. i told him that's the history, that's the past... just forget abt the things happened to the last generation. he commented that i still living in the ancient time. He said that it's now scientifically proven that this family background will have child who will react the same way. He asked me to think twice before marrying him.. i was shock.. it's a devastated sentence out of his mouth. to him might be a comment made casually or juz a simple warning.. but to me.. it's kinda like rejection.. a rejection to my love.. kinda like... no matter how much i do.. how much i show him i love him, how well i treat him, how much love i shower him with, he'll nv be able to love me till the extent that he'll prevent himself to turn violent, he'll nv be able to control himself n not act violently towards me.. i have so much faith in him, giving him all i have, but yet.. he keep doubting himself, doubting his love for me... doubting everything. i msg him i dont care who is out there whether better than him or not, all i know is i love him. i ask him not to think abt better option outside for me, all i wanna know is he want me or not.. he just avoid the qns n ask me to turn in early. i didnt know how to react to it.. i was.. really.. sad.. it gives me an impression that he himself is not sure whether he wants me or not. i know.. maybe he's scared that he'll really turn out to be a violent husband that's why he doesnt wish to say a want but put me in deep shit in the future. but to me.. a want is really more important than my life. i believe very much in love. once i step into it i'll nv be able to get out of it. i can suffer, in pain, in poverty, in silence, as long as i know that he still love me it's all more than enough... that's all i want.

hmm.. today started off quite well.. becoz darling gave me 2 morning calls though i wasnt able to pick them up as i was bathing. den got a msg from him trying to see if i'm awake or not.. den the last msg was, u must take care too. den no msg no calls nothing till around 1.30pm. he msged me.. i was so relief to see his msg.. i thought he'll really give me up... but he still miss me.. so happy...

but den... he still kinda down.. ya lo... dont know how to cheer him up too... i must jia you!!!

dar dar

this will be only be talking abt dar dar n me...

that day after the night tour. went to dar dar's hse.. den he suddenly say let's not meet up for around 3 to 4 months. i was shock n i dont want. den i kinda teared. he said it's becoz he knows that he himself is kinda moody n prone to mood swing lately, always flare up due to small matter n i kena la.. ya.. den say that period of time will let him cool down n all.. i dont want it.. really dont want it.. i cant imagine life without seeing him or having him around me...

den he said why?? is it becoz no one is chasing me that's why i stick to him so tightly? i said no.. i love u. that's y. really love u alot. alot more than i can imagine. till the extend that some times i'll tend to wonder does u love me as much as i love u.. den he said something abt gg after other girls n all.. den i said go lo.. u wanna go i also no choice. den he kinda like sa jiao to me asking why i nv try to keep him by my side. i said he also everytime say that to me.. den he direct me to see him eye to eye n said. i actually dont like it when other guys talk to u or when u go out with other guys. when u say wanna go clubbing and all i didnt want u to go de.. i juz didnt say n all.. i kinda touched. first time hearing things like that from his mouth. kinda feel like i'm in a dream. really love it. love to have him so tender loving by my side hugging me... feeling so secure n that he's all mine!!!

haix.. den he said he's gg australia to study his 2nd yr of uni.. i was kinda down but it's his studies, i cant say anything abt it.. but he said if i dont want den he wont go.. den ytd he said he'll only go for 2 months n experience a new kinda lifestyle... den today... he said he wanna go there study 1 yr of honest with yx. 1 year.. wow.. that's so.. cool.. ya.. hope his dream will come true n that he'll be very very happy.

haix.. dont know why recently everytime meet him will end up like kinda unhappy. i also dont know how to cheer him up. only he'll be able to make me laugh n smile but i always fail to be e clown.. hope he'll be fine soon.

darling.. i love u.. alot.. alot.. alot.. really... alot..

wonderful night out

yeah.. had a night out not long ago.. it's on the 10th june. with the religious class ppl n my cousin n of course my one n only we went for the perfect night out. had games n all for bonding n it's kinda great i should say. though dar's game seems to be kinda cruel.. hahaha.. got to drink bitter gourd drinks, eat chilli, this n that but it's a great n enjoyable game for all.. hahaha...

next up we went to amk to eat. dar dar is really a da wei wang sia.. he ate 2 bowls of wan ton noodles n a bowl of laksa. wow!!! yeah.. that's my dar... den we move on to mount faber.. everyone told me is a wonderful dating place, nice scenes this n that.. but to me.. juz alright only lehz.. nothing fantastic. ya lo.. just alright la..

next.. we moved on to pasir panjang market... see the ppl selling off their vege in bulk. wow.. really lots of vege sia... den that cw.. wear till soo lady like, put make up n all.. attract lots of attention man.. den every man there like looking at her. ahhahaa..

den we move on to marina south for bowling.. yeah.. bowling.. but before that they play kinda like lots of interactive games n all la.. i was a bad bowler.. yeah.. very bad.. ah!!!!!!! throw face ar.. sian sian.. den play arcade games too.. wahhahaha.. cw is the best man. she really is gd at it.. hahhaa.. den jy n me struggling down there. ahhahaa...

great la.. good n enjoyable.