xmas~~

actually i was thinking, pondering whether i shld blog this down anot~ becoz i dont wanna leave any note of misery down anywhere to remind myself of sad things that happened to me~~ but in the end~~ i decided to blog it down~~ becoz~~ i really need to~~ i know i wont look back to my previous articles to see what i've wrote to remind myself of the pain~~ i juz hope that once i throw it into the computer~~ i'll forget it and leave it to the com.

this xmas is the worst xmas that i ever will have. though is the most holy one~ but is the worst. it makes me feel like i'm cursed~~ i'm cursed to be lonely for all my festive seasons. the first left me before v day, second left me before xmas~~ n yet.. the third. the one i love most, the one i treasure most, the one that love me most~~ the one tht.. i hate to see him cry n hurt him most~~ i got no choice but to leave him all alone this xmas to go for some holy class...

i really dont know~~~ dont know how to make it back~~ i know i cant make it back in any way, there is not another 2005 xmas.. but my love, my heart, my mind is still all with u~~ i left u something that i hope u wil like it... i hope that can represent me in bringing light to u when i'm not ard. i love u~~

u might feel that i can choose, i can rebel, i can juz go with u n fell out with my parents. but it is really something i cant do~ i'll try hard to gain my independent. trust me.

i love u!!

merry xmas